I should know that sometimes I should really trust my gut. I kept thinking I was crazy to have symptoms of pregnancy so early on. The day after I told myself it was all in my head for wanting it so badly. I didn't have a symptom all morning and then I got to work and went around to change the coffee grinds. What a mistake. One whiff and I gagged. So on my way home I bought a pregnancy test. Now, I've already taken 2 before but they both came back negative and they were the store brand version. I decided to go out on a limb and buy the more expensive Clear Blue Digital HPT.

It said it could tell pregnancy up to two weeks early and could tell you Not pregnant, pregnant, 1-2 weeks, 3-4 or more weeks along you were. I went home with a nervous excitement and decided I would wait till the next morning to try it since I read in the instructions that first morning testing was better. So I woke at aroun 7am and went to the bathroom with eagerness. I had already read all the instructions the night before and had the test in my make-up case waiting for me. I did it as instructed and set it on the edge of my sink to wait and see. A little picture of a timer popped up and then the final result: a picture of a book. A Book!? That wasn't on the list of answers. I reread the instructions in French and German and flipped it over to see the symbol of the book on the other side. It said the book meant inconclusive. Inconclusive!? It went on to say that perhaps it was too wet, or not wet enough and that maybe it was turned the wrong way. I went back to bed with a bit of a fury that I had spent so much on a test not to even get a strait answer.

Later that day I got up and left a few minutes early for work. On my way I stopped back by the drug strore and bought another clear Blue test (perhaps against my better judgement- but hey, I was goin on my gut intuition). I got the slightly cheaper digital on that simply said if you were pregnant or not. I stuck it in my bag and decided to take it the next morning. Work was slow and all I can say was I was itching with curiosity. I knew it would be better to wait till morning but I went and grabbed a disposable coffee cup and headed towards the toilet. As I sat and waited this is what finally came to be:

That's Dutch for Pregnant! I ran out shaking and as happy as could be. One of my close colleagues could tell some thing was up so I told her. She's the one who had been telling me to trust my gut and that she thought I was as well- and to screw medical science saying that I couldn't have symptoms that early on. So I got a nice big told you so and then she covered my work so I could let Christian know.

I went on to send him a really sweet text from my iphone that said:

"You've been such a great friend and fiancé, and some day I know you'll make a great Husband (we skipped getting married to try for children first because of my disease and PCOS put a time limit on us) but first...I know you'll make a great daddy" and I attached the photo.

It took him a minute to get it- he said he had to read it a few times before he opened the photo and it registered. I was giddy with butterflies the rest of my day at work. Good thing too as it was prob the last day I was feeling so great.

You know how some woman get no symptoms, and some woman get a few...I'm one of those that gets them all it seems but lucky for me they like to alternate days so far. My worst 3 having to be the headaches, morning sickness, and random nose bleeds from the sinus problems. Good new is I don't have Asthma anymore! Despite the fact this pregnancy has been well.....a pain in my Uterus to say, I know my little blue berry of a size baby is worth it. I go in for my first Ultrasound on March 8th. Fingers crossed everything goes ok and we make it through the first trimester. We've been using fertility drugs and I've heard that a large percentage of those end in miscarriage, but we are positive!

"Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans....."

Hello, My name is Melody. I live in Amsterdam Holland and am quite content here. My sweety and I have a little house in Amstelveen (means a part or vein of the river Amstel which Amsterdam, or Amsteldam was originally named after) I'm learning my Dutch as best I can, and am looking forward to getting married since my sweety proposed on a trip back home to New Orleans over looking the city on lake Ponchatrain.

I guess I could honestly describe myself as a bit of a control freak. I'm an artist by nature and nothing short of a perfectionist. I naturally had all these ideas and plans about how things would go or how they should go. Not based on other's opinions, but mainly because I wanted what I wanted because I wanted it.

In my fantasy Future, well planned and thought out, I would have a successful job, be married and have enough time to save up to build a little family.

In reality, I have been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome with a nice side of Endometriosis and a fybrocistic syndrome. It's not the end of the world, but I have been told I have limited time to have children due to a higher chance of miscarriage, gestational diabetes, and the possibility of the endometriosis harming my reproductive system. So I actually have to try to have a baby, (the PCOS causes elevated male hormones so that I do not ovulate) no "surprise honey, I'm pregnant!"

But this isn't totally bad thing. My Sweety wants children (his family is very excited and supportive) and I don't feel as much pressure as I am happy to get things on there way. I always wanted children. But after a grand total of:
-sitting 13 children in Highschool
-doing a nursery class of 6 babies
-teaching a pre-K class of 15 Four and Five year olds
-Nannying 19 Children Internationally

I feel I have gotten a good and reasonable idea of what I do want and what I don't want for my children and family. I feel rather prepared in ways that most women are not, and yet....I feel totally unprepared for the emotional and physical toll it will bear. Especially due to the fact that all this time, I've been with out the average female hormones and yet I am like a pied Piper with children. I've never had one that wasn't completely mesmerized with me no matter their age. I've been told by so many that I will make a great mother, and yet I have this urking suspicion that I'm going to boggle things up! But money seems to be an important indicator in the situation (from my learning experience)and it's something I often worry about. I often wonder if we ever really are financially secure or if it's just an illusion. And while I had this dream that I'd be married before I had children, well....I guess that's what happens when you make expectations out of life that it just can't give you. I love Christian so very much and feel very secure in our bond. I suppose this will have to be something we will wait on doing as I wouldn't risk our future children over it.

So this is my blog about my grand adventure in to Motherhood! While most women have to wait 9 months for the whole 9 yards to join the ranks of Parenthood, I'll have to wait a few months longer while I finish all my tests to make sure I am healthy enough to have a safe pregnancy. I'm looking forward to blogging this experience, for me to look back on, to share with my future children and with others out there.