"Life is what happens to you, while you're busy making other plans....."

Hello, My name is Melody. I live in Amsterdam Holland and am quite content here. My sweety and I have a little house in Amstelveen (means a part or vein of the river Amstel which Amsterdam, or Amsteldam was originally named after) I'm learning my Dutch as best I can, and am looking forward to getting married since my sweety proposed on a trip back home to New Orleans over looking the city on lake Ponchatrain.

I guess I could honestly describe myself as a bit of a control freak. I'm an artist by nature and nothing short of a perfectionist. I naturally had all these ideas and plans about how things would go or how they should go. Not based on other's opinions, but mainly because I wanted what I wanted because I wanted it.

In my fantasy Future, well planned and thought out, I would have a successful job, be married and have enough time to save up to build a little family.

In reality, I have been diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome with a nice side of Endometriosis and a fybrocistic syndrome. It's not the end of the world, but I have been told I have limited time to have children due to a higher chance of miscarriage, gestational diabetes, and the possibility of the endometriosis harming my reproductive system. So I actually have to try to have a baby, (the PCOS causes elevated male hormones so that I do not ovulate) no "surprise honey, I'm pregnant!"

But this isn't totally bad thing. My Sweety wants children (his family is very excited and supportive) and I don't feel as much pressure as I am happy to get things on there way. I always wanted children. But after a grand total of:
-sitting 13 children in Highschool
-doing a nursery class of 6 babies
-teaching a pre-K class of 15 Four and Five year olds
-Nannying 19 Children Internationally

I feel I have gotten a good and reasonable idea of what I do want and what I don't want for my children and family. I feel rather prepared in ways that most women are not, and yet....I feel totally unprepared for the emotional and physical toll it will bear. Especially due to the fact that all this time, I've been with out the average female hormones and yet I am like a pied Piper with children. I've never had one that wasn't completely mesmerized with me no matter their age. I've been told by so many that I will make a great mother, and yet I have this urking suspicion that I'm going to boggle things up! But money seems to be an important indicator in the situation (from my learning experience)and it's something I often worry about. I often wonder if we ever really are financially secure or if it's just an illusion. And while I had this dream that I'd be married before I had children, well....I guess that's what happens when you make expectations out of life that it just can't give you. I love Christian so very much and feel very secure in our bond. I suppose this will have to be something we will wait on doing as I wouldn't risk our future children over it.

So this is my blog about my grand adventure in to Motherhood! While most women have to wait 9 months for the whole 9 yards to join the ranks of Parenthood, I'll have to wait a few months longer while I finish all my tests to make sure I am healthy enough to have a safe pregnancy. I'm looking forward to blogging this experience, for me to look back on, to share with my future children and with others out there.